WATER MARBLE: Gothic Lolita in Strawberry Fields

I had yet to trash the house within three hours of the boy's estimated arrival Sunday, so I decided to try water marbling again.

Since everything I had ironed and ready for the week was pink or purple, I opted to experiment with China Glaze Gothic Lolita and Strawberry Fields and Sally Hansen Hard as Nails Xtreme Wear White Out, with two coats of the latter as a base and one coat OPI I Juggle...Men (that still parses oddly to me) on top.

  

This was not a resounding success, but it was good enough that I left it on. Not very consistent - marbles plus sand art plus bleeding watercolors. Let us say that adds texture to the experience.

  

I was far too proud of this and spent all day at work shoving my nails in co-workers' faces. Karma shall doubtless dictate that I can never do it again. But I think a water marble deserves mermaid colors. And unicorns.

  

As far as the colors, I admit to buying Gothic Lolita mostly for the name, but it is a lovely purple with tiny shimmer in. Strawberry Fields is hot pink with a gold glass fleck, and I always expect to like it more than I do. I may also have bought that for the name.

  

I WANT THEM TO TASTE LIKE BASKIN ROBBINS AND EASTER AND SEASHELLS.

  

If OPI is going to pull this idiocy with Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey, I think someone needs an Emilie Autumn collection to balance it out. Opheliac would be the best polish name everrrr. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.

DELICIOUS FISHES: Nicole by OPI Mer-Maid For Each Other

I honestly like the Nicole by OPI line better than Sephora by OPI (except for that unfortunate Kardashian thing WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE SERIOUSLY). This is unusual as my tastes trend toward the expensive, but IT IS WHAT IT IS, as this one complete asshole used to tell me all the time.

Let us feed the mermaid obsession OH YES LET'S.

  

Nicole by OPI Mer-Maid for Each Other with an accent nail of L.A. Girls Glitter Addict Nostalgia (whatever). This is a Target exclusive. Because I am classy.

  

SUN: shiny.

  

SHADE: shiny.

  

It appears similar in the bottle to Just Spotted the Lizard but has more teal and less gold. That means you need them both.

JULEP DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A WORD: Anne and Melissa

Julep doesn't seem to get a lot of love, even now that you can get them at Sephora. Honestly, that's because they kind of suck. The formula is appalling, the colors are not inspired, and ZOYA already had the market cornered on "polishes with weird girl names." That said, I'm a sucker for their mystery boxes, and the Best Pedi Creme Ever! actually is - unfortunately it is also the Most Expensive Pedi Creme Ever!.

Here for you today we have Julep Anne (purple) and Melissa (shiny cool color)(as opposed to "shiny warm color," not "sugoi-iro").

  

People report a lot of trouble balancing the oddly-shaped bottles, but I haven't tipped one over yet. As I can knock over a glass of water superglued to the floor, I can only conclude everyone else is painting their nails blacked out drunk.

  

I reiterate: APPALLING FORMULA. THIS STUFF WILL NOT DRY. EVER. BECAUSE IT IS THICK. REALLY, REALLY, REALLY THICK.

  

I didn't think I was going to like Melissa until I put it over this, and then it appealed to me in an "oh look it matches my porch" kind of way.

According to Julep's profile quizzes, I am a "Classic Boho Beauty Bombshell with an It Girl Twist." Oh, you!




seriously, say it three times fast. julepjulepjulep

GLITTER SHATTER: OPI plus 212-Sephora

I know that everyone is well over the crackle polish by now, but I only recently figured out that it hates Seche Vite with a burning, passionate loathing. So for your passive entertainment I present OPI Gold Shatter with Sephora by OPI 212-Sephora.

  

Sometimes I am brilliant, smart, and adorable. Other times, you have to smack me in the face with a brick. I didn't realize that 212-SEPHORA was their actual phone number until I had owned this polish upwards of a year. I GOT A 32 COMPOSITE SCORE ON THE ACT, GUYS. PEOPLE LIKE ME VOTE.

Re: phone numbers, I spent an entire board meeting calling various toll free UNICORN numbers (864-2676). None of them were in service except 1-877-UNICORN, which rang and rang and rang. I so desperately wanted its voice mail.

  

I thought the gold shatter would go well with 212-Sephora since the latter's base is a kind of golden black (see also: K-sama as L-sama), but I think the contrast with a black black blackity-black would look better. It would be appropriate next time I go home around a Mizzou game, but that would involve finding out when the games are, and the bay is dry.

  

It was quite kind to my short lil thumbnail, anyway.

  

WHY DON'T I JUST SPRAY MYSELF WITH ADHESIVE AND TAKE A DUST BATH IN GLITTER yes please.

WAIT WHAT: OPI Just Spotted the Lizard

Here we have OPI's Just Spotted the Lizard from the recent Spiderman collection of summer 2012. Another dupe for Chanel Peridot, it has proven rather popular. I had almost given up getting my acquisitive little fingers on it when it turned up at my salon. Consolation for a massive wax bruise in my elbow INDEED.

  

I wore it plain on the first day but kept picturing it stamped with the concentric ringy-dings from BM19. I have a hard time with full-nail designs, but that one is a little more forgiving than some. I had to apply extra little bits around the edges, and the uneducated eyes could not tell.

  

The color shift was not all that pronounced; it's a pretty color, but it's prettier in the bottle. As I have sworn a blood oath to collect all golden nail polishes, that does not necessarily disappoint.

  

You can still catch a glimpse of green in the right light, though. I think the right light is mostly found on Neptune in the spring.

  

I have no idea what lizards have to do with Spiderman and am betting >75% of people purchasing this polish don't either. DEAR OPI: WE NEED A SAILORMOON TIE-IN FOR SUMMER 2013 GET ON THAT SUZI PLSKTHX.