YOU CAN CALL ME HEAVENLY: Zoya Tomoko

I have a love-hate relationship with Zoya and am on a (well-intentioned) no-buy right now, but this happened. It is one of the fall PixieDust collection, but it is unseasonably cool today, so I gave myself a preview.

  

Kawase Tomoko is what I want to be when I grow up and we have the same birthday and WOULD TOTALLY BE TWINS IF I WERE SIX INCHES SHORTER AND ASIAN LET'S BE BEST FRIENDS OKAY

  

WE CAN WEAR OUR CAT EARS TOGETHER AND I WILL BAKE STRAWBERRY CREAM CUPCAKES

  

I am not a huge fan of the textured polish thing, but this is shiny enough that I can forgive it. The Zoya "Pixie" thing is too precious for me to forgive, however. THAT'S JUST WEIRD GUYS and coming from me that's saying something....

  

I also discovered the Great Galloping Gallons promotion, where if you buy four 32-ounce bottles of Remove+ you get four free. The price per ounce is 39 cents as opposed to $1.25 per ounce when you buy the flipper thing. If you can steel yourself to spend $100 at once on nail polish remover, it's a bargain.

  

Two gallons of remover should last a couple months at least.

MERMAIDS AGAIN: Mermaid's Dream

THE ORIGINAL THAT STARTED IT ALL. Do mermaids dream of electric eels?

  

Since I live a billion miles from anywhere that sells Deborah Lippmann, my aunt gave it to me for Christmas. She had to go to a mall. You can get CHOLERA going to a mall.

  

It looks like sea glass. And magical fantasy CGI water. And things I want to lick.

  

Here I stamped it with scales from Mash-39 in Essie Good as Gold. LIKE A MERMAID TAIL. My next career is going to be "professional mermaid." IT IS A REAL THING; Google it.

MERMAIDS PART TWO: Mermaid's Kiss

I imagine that a mermaid's kiss would taste like sushi, or maybe like Trader Joe's roasted seaweed snacks in the morning. A diabetic mermaid would have breath like Sonic ocean water.

  

This matches my pink sapphire ring, but I neglected to photograph that.

  

This is what seashells look like on my home planet.

  

Formula and wear were fantastic, A+++ would buy again.

FOURTH OF JULY: about what you'd expect

I tried gradient nails again. The makeup sponges I bought for the purpose seem to be capable of absorbing infinite polish, leaving an inadequate amount for the nail. Or else I need to be using one-coat polishes. Although the final product wasn't really what I intended, it was interesting enough to wear for a few days.

  

One coat of Sally Hansen Celeb City (AGAIN, I'm sorry, it just keeps happening that way), topped with ZOYA Tori and China Glaze Blue Bells Ring. The red and blue both have a silver shimmer, so the finish was consistent between the three.

  

I took a big chip off my right index finger and opted to sponge back over it for a quick fix as I was going home for the weekend and didn't have time to redo the whole thing.

  

Shade view.

Maybe kitchen-type sponges would work better? More or less godawful mess? THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.

OPI LIQUID SAND: at least it's purple

OPI's Facebook page claims this will be available "as early as" January 2, 2013. I purchased this on December 29, 2012 and saw it in a salon the day before. Do they purposely give us a fake availability date and then release them sooner to make us all excited that we found something early? Or it is a failing on the retail side? what-ever.

I was not interested in "matte glitter" and object to Mariah Carey so had no plans to pick up any of the OPI Liquid Sand polishes. Then I was at Ulta, and then there was a purple one, and why does this always happen....

  

OPI Can't Let Go. I like it more than expected. Dry time is pretty good, and it's holding up well for lack of top coat. I've had this on about forty-eight hours, and there's just some minor tip wear...but I have an overwhelming urge to pick at it.

  

I am afraid this may require lasers to be removed.

  

The texture is interesting, but two thick layers of Seche Vite transform it into shiny love-love as shown below. Although SOMEONE just told me that looks "kind of like vomit," so I guess it's personal preference.

  

SECOND DAY: shiny glitter love

Here we have Zoya Isla with tips in China Glaze Twinkle Lights over China Glaze Champagne Bubbles, with an inverted accent ring finger.

  

This got a lot of love at work, but the pictures are not wonderful.

  

I have such mixed feelings about Zoya. The average wear time is crap, but I haven't tried it with their own base and top coats yet. If they would stock them at Ulta along with the polishes, I would have picked them up by now. HINT, HINT.

DELICIOUS FISHES: Nicole by OPI Mer-Maid For Each Other

I honestly like the Nicole by OPI line better than Sephora by OPI (except for that unfortunate Kardashian thing WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE SERIOUSLY). This is unusual as my tastes trend toward the expensive, but IT IS WHAT IT IS, as this one complete asshole used to tell me all the time.

Let us feed the mermaid obsession OH YES LET'S.

  

Nicole by OPI Mer-Maid for Each Other with an accent nail of L.A. Girls Glitter Addict Nostalgia (whatever). This is a Target exclusive. Because I am classy.

  

SUN: shiny.

  

SHADE: shiny.

  

It appears similar in the bottle to Just Spotted the Lizard but has more teal and less gold. That means you need them both.

JULEP DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A WORD: Anne and Melissa

Julep doesn't seem to get a lot of love, even now that you can get them at Sephora. Honestly, that's because they kind of suck. The formula is appalling, the colors are not inspired, and ZOYA already had the market cornered on "polishes with weird girl names." That said, I'm a sucker for their mystery boxes, and the Best Pedi Creme Ever! actually is - unfortunately it is also the Most Expensive Pedi Creme Ever!.

Here for you today we have Julep Anne (purple) and Melissa (shiny cool color)(as opposed to "shiny warm color," not "sugoi-iro").

  

People report a lot of trouble balancing the oddly-shaped bottles, but I haven't tipped one over yet. As I can knock over a glass of water superglued to the floor, I can only conclude everyone else is painting their nails blacked out drunk.

  

I reiterate: APPALLING FORMULA. THIS STUFF WILL NOT DRY. EVER. BECAUSE IT IS THICK. REALLY, REALLY, REALLY THICK.

  

I didn't think I was going to like Melissa until I put it over this, and then it appealed to me in an "oh look it matches my porch" kind of way.

According to Julep's profile quizzes, I am a "Classic Boho Beauty Bombshell with an It Girl Twist." Oh, you!




seriously, say it three times fast. julepjulepjulep